Are You Fascinating?
Well, are you, punk? Or are you boring as hell? How, furthermore, can you tell? How can you tell if you’re an inveterate bore, or if you’re just in a kind of long-term funk? Much of what we hear about commanding attention and the power to fascinate is theoretical and abstract, a sort of psychological…
The Most Interesting Dog in the World
His bite is louder than his bark, which is saying a lot …
Whiskey Wisdom: How to be the Smartest Person in the Bar
(The following is excerpted from Whiskey Wisdom: A Bartender’s Guide to Living Ravenously) You can spot her from a mile away, the smartest person in the bar — or, if not quite from a mile away, nonetheless from very far. She doesn’t necessarily think of herself as smart. Still, her brain is carefully crafted —…
Putting the Cock Back in Cocktail: I Wish You Love
In bartending, as in life, the fundamental things apply. And time goes by. Thank you for watching.
Moonraker, Mountain Dew, Moonshine, or White Lightning?
This article first appeared in the Coloradoan newspaper. If it shed any light on the subject at all — and it doesn’t remotely — I might be tempted to elaborate on the actual term “moonshine,” and where it originated: i.e. rural England (circa 1780), when country smugglers hid illicit barrels of French brandy in shallow…
A Green Fairy Named Absinthe
This article first appeared in the Coloradoan newspaper, which took a tomahawk to it and ruined it. You won’t like absinthe if you don’t like black licorice. Absinthe — mint-green star in a constellation of multicolored bottles, over-proofed, over-hyped, overrated, mythologized, mystified and then demystified — won’t, all reports to the contrary notwithstanding, make you…
The Book of Dog: One of Us?
If Dog had a name, what would it be? Brought to you by the College of Subversive Knowledge. Subscribe!
Wodka!
This article first appeared, in slightly altered form, in the Coloradoan newspaper. The Polish call it wodka. The Russians call it vodka. The word itself comes from the slavic voda — meaning “little water” — and, like water, vodka is colorless, odorless, and often enjoyed ice-cold. Distilled from fermented potatoes, or fermented grains (like rye…
Political Cow: Episode 3
Here’s another method by which you can demonstrate that health care isn’t a right: Brought to you by the College of Subversive Knowledge.
Political Cow (Episode 2): Demonstrating in 60 Seconds that Health Care is NOT a Right
At last, Episode 2 of Political Cow, in which cow discusses one of the many ways one can quickly and easily show that health care is not a right: Brought to you by the College of Subversive Knowledge. Subscribe!
Horsehead History: Episode 2
She wasn’t always green, and her full name is “Liberty Enlightening the World” — and that’s only the beginning:
Putting the Cock Back in Cocktail: Mojitos, Daiquiris, Rum Sours, and More!
This video was made for a recent article, which was rather deplorably edited, and which I therefore reprint below as it was originally written. Getting Numb With Rum Rum, like the hangovers it can create, is a side-effect, a by-product: a by-product of the juice that comes from sugarcane. And that, really, is one of…
How To Make Yourself Instantly More Beautiful (Big Man PigMan: Episode 1)
How to make yourself more beautiful — no matter how beautiful you already are? Brought to you by the College of Subversive Knowledge.
Why Do We Kiss? (Book of Dog: Episode 4)
The science of kissing is called philematology. Osculation means kiss on the cheek. Basium is a kiss on the lips. Savolium is a a deep kiss. And that’s only the beginning. Brought to you by the College of Subversive Knowledge.
Barack Obama: Inside the Mind of a Genius
Admit it: you find it curiously comforting to see that neither time nor age nor experience has taught Obama anything: he remains as politically-economically brilliant as he always was. But perhaps over the last seven or so years you’ve not been able to hear him over the noise of his propaganda machine. Well, just yesterday,…