A reader writes:
Dear Ray Harvey: I’m one of these guys with a big belly and an extremely small penis. I’m heterosexual, and I drive a truck for a living. I do not get a lot of exercise. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been pained by the size of my penis. I’m seriously considering surgical augmentation (in my late thirties). Do you have particular thoughts on this issue? Should I, or shouldn’t I?
— Dick Weed
P.S. Pumps don’t work.
Dear Dick Weed: Indeed, I do have very particular thoughts on this issue, despite the fact that, as fate would have it, my problem is the opposite of yours. My thoughts are these:
Don’t do it.
Quoting from the gospels:
“A man’s life consisteth of more than the size of his dick” (The Gospel According to Ray, Chapter 1, Verse 1).
Didn’t you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
Listen, Mr. Weed, when it comes to satisfying a woman, you know the commandments:
Don’t stampede the clitoris.
Don’t neglect the labia.
I give you a new commandment now: The journey is the way.
Truckdriver, that’s an old German dictum, and what it means is something I’d like for you to take with you from here on out, every time you enter your bedroom, your wife, or your rig:
Sex is not a race, and intercourse isn’t the only kind of sex. There are plenty of things you can do with your lug nuts, your digits, your tungsten wires, and I’m not just blowing your horn when I say that.
At a bar where I once worked, a customer told me that his penis was only three inches — but he swore up and down that most women didn’t like it that thick.
Mainly, Mr. Weed, what I’m suggesting to you is this: learn to enjoy the journey, because the journey is the way; your penis is only a small part of it (so to say).
Slow her down, friend, and I promise that your extremely small penis will be all the penis she needs. It’s not as if you’re trying to make Amarillo by morning (or are you?) Enjoy the process, soup-to-nuts, because as you know, the end will come soon enough, and all ends are bitter.
Now keep on trucking, big daddy.
my morning laugh!!
good advice, Ray, it’s all about the journey
If I may offer some more advice for Dick Weed from the great Etta James: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh4v1-QcAzE&feature=fvw or how about from Aretha: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0XAI-PFQcA&feature=related
Mind you, if Dick Weed is only looking for is a little “slam, bam, thank you Ma’am” on the road, none of our advice will do any good, small penis or not. Maybe he just wants to emulate the Fireman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSrDf86hxeo
So this is what it’s come to, Harvey? Cunnilinguous and Cock Pumps?
I don’t know, Gary. First you’ll have to tell me what “Cunnilinguous” is.
Absolutely. There’s a phrase I’ve heard which goes something like “The most important sexual organ is the brain.”
Granted that’s easy for me to say, given that I’m hung like a horse (I empathise with you, Ray). But all the same, there is certainly wisdom in that saying.
And remember: sex doesn’t have to be dirty. But it can be, if it’s done right.
My dear Mr. COCKrane,
I think that latter thing may be the best thing I’ve heard all day — and that’s saying a lot, considering the day I’ve had.
Thank you for dropping by.
i have the same problem as you. im a chubby man with a 6inch hard penis. but that dosent stop me wanking it hard everyday does it? and my boyfriend still takes it up his ass. mate penis size does not matter. its how you use it. so go get your self a night out and fuck like there’s no tomorrow! :) xx
Ryan, you’ve committed the cardinal sin: you’ve been vulgar without being clever.
Personally, I think “Mr. CockRain” would have been better.
And he stole that quote from Woody Allen!
I think a man’s penis any size shouldn’t matter. But, I prefer a small penis over a large one because it’s simple and not so large. I enjoy a man better without so much thrust. The thrust of a man penis tha he considers small I consider perfect…
sad true;/
Wait….this convo needs to involve a woman. I just tried to have sex with a man whose belly was in the way of his penis and his penis was not able to push past his belly- it was impossible to ride this man….it was beyond awkward and super frustrating.
Lucy, your contribution to this conversation is — and I’m speaking seriously — penetrating.
It’s also insightful and invaluable.
Thank you for dropping by.
P.S. May I suggest doggie style?
I normally do not respond to many threads, but I felt this one needed another woman’s opinion! It is a huge (no pun) turnoff to be limited to “doggie style” in order to have sex. I am sure there are plenty of women/men out there that like a big stomach, but I am guessing they have one too. Sure it is nice to discover a nice size penis, I would be lying if I said otherwise. I have been with smaller men and have been very satisfied! Its about chemistry, touch, kissing, confidence etc. A big deal breaker for me is a big round belly.
Thank you, Monique!
In addition to being a deal-breaker, a big round belly is, I have heard, a boner-breaker as well.
Thank you for your feminine insights into small penises and big bellies, which insights I found quite penetrating.
And thank you for dropping by.